Shit Stack

You Left You (An Essay)

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Being in a ‘toxic’ / ‘abusive’ / ‘narcissistic’ relationship doesn’t erode your self-trust.

You never had it to begin with.

Hence said relationship.

You didn’t honour what you knew and felt from the start.

Clearly.

Because something else was more important to you.

And then shit went sideways as it inevitably would and you blamed the other for the hot mess you were in.

But it was you who left you to get something from them.

Instead of giving it to yourself.

To add…

Being in a ‘healthy’ (or seemingly healthier) relationship post ‘toxic’ relationship still isn’t IT if you’re now, once again, looking to another for what you’re still not generating yourself, no matter how good it feels.

You’re outsourcing from a cleaner supply but you’re still outsourcing regardless.

#theylovemesonowilovemetoo

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Stop Feeding It (An Essay)

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You starve it by not feeding it.

Inwardly, that’s what you do.

“The ignored guest quickly leaves.”

So give it no reason to stay.

You can entertain the chaos.

The insanity.

The mind.

Go into the depths of hell.

Then post about your dark night.

Tell others about that ‘necessary’ initiation.

That ‘generational trauma’ that ‘lives in your bones’.

Be commended on your strength for ‘facing the beast’.

(For enduring yourself at the hands of yourself and calling it by another name)

Sure, you can do that.

But you could also not.

You feed the pain because you get off on it.

When you’re done getting off,

it’s gone.

(Peep this Mandy Bite)

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The Denser It Gets (An Essay)

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when you perpetually self-abandon

the denser it gets

and when you do this over an extended period of time

that density

that was once only energetic

becomes matter

becomes ‘illness’ (both mental and physical)

because your system was not designed for such a deviation

it was designed to let you know all you need to know

to remain clean and intact

forevermore

so when you choose to ignore that knowing

over and over and over again

your brilliant system will turn up the volume until it can’t be ignored

until you have no choice but to honour what you know and have always known

(you ALWAYS know)

so even your ‘sickness’ (both mental and physical)

is still your system being brilliant as fuck

it never fails you

even when you ‘fail’ (deny) yourself

it speaks to you

for as long as it takes

until you finally listen

and choose to obey

and once you do

the ‘sickness’ dissolves

because it only arose

to point the way home

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If You Really Love Me (An Essay)

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Most would rather have another cater / adapt to their dysfunction(s) / delusion(s) than to do the work necessary to correct it themselves.

(Peep this Mandy Bite)

And most would rather do that for another to avoid their own discomfort in taking that same responsibility for themselves.

#letsstaysmalltogether

#fillinthegapsifyouloveme

#thatswhattheycalllove

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Sanna On Disrupting Everything (A Transcript)

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From one of Sanna’s lives:

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You could walk around disrupting everything, but that’s not a turn on for your High Feminine.

She’s very specific about the things that actually are fun, and high-quality enough, and challenging enough - in other words, a turn on for her - to disrupt.

When you’re just beginning to get access to your High Feminine, it feels very tempting to go around destroying everything and disrupting every discord you see just for the sake of enjoying the freedom that She finally has.

And it IS fun… for a second.

And then it gets boring for you and your High Feminine, so you start getting sharper and narrowing it down.

You start being more precise about what you are available to disrupt, what deserves your genius, and what is just not worth it for your High Feminine.

And most of it is not.

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watch the clip (2:16)

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Thrown Off My Game (An Essay)

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if it didn’t destroy me

if parts of me weren’t forced to die

repeatedly

and quite potently

through the is-ness of he and i

there’d be no pull for me to stay

- not with him -

but with all that arises

through the mutual destruction that our interactions bring

this alone is what interests me

because i’m interested in what disturbs me

and i’m interested in the art of becoming less disturbed

by what throws me off my game

(Peep this Mandy Bite)

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